How to Get Rid of Vampire Teeth
Perhaps you were born with them, or maybe they you used the wrong kind of glue for Halloween, but now you are stuck with pointy canine teeth, your vampire teeth. When you are younger, they do not bother you, but as you grow up and actually want to kiss people without jabbing holes in their lips, these teeth become an issue. You imagine walking out of job interviews with the employer turning to the secretary and saying, “Great resume, but what was up with those vampire teeth?” You want them gone, and want them gone now.
Bite into something and hope that you dull the points of the offending teeth. Do not choose the dog, your little sister or your Mom’s credenza for this experiment. (It is never alright to bite furniture.)
Go into the local bar, pick the biggest, baddest looking guy in the place and then lip off a little bit. Ask him where he parked his pink Prius and what kind of purse he carries. Big, bad looking guys just love that kind of stuff. For a finale, ask him if his Mommy knows where he goes at night and if his footy jammies are under his jeans. Brace yourself and pray that he gets the right two teeth knocked out on the first try. (Honestly, you won’t try this a second time, will you?)
Go to your dentist and ask to have the teeth softened a bit. The dentist will give you some topical anesthetic to numb you and then grind the sharp edges off of the teeth, going very slowly so that the teeth come out nicely shaped and even with one another. If for some reason the teeth cannot be ground to a more appropriate shape, then the dentist will speak to you about caps or crowns that will give you a more natural, rounded tooth appearance.
Having vampire teeth may not be fun, especially if you are not a real vampire, but they are certainly not the worse things in the world. You can fix them easily and fairly inexpensively, so relax. But, it might be nice to scare the neighborhood children one last time before you do go in for dental repairs!