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How to Get Rid of Your Girlfriend

Usually when people talk about getting rid of something, they are talking about things, inanimate objects, such as odd-fitting clothes, worn-out shoes, and tacky pillows, not oxygen breathing humans. However, on occasion, there are some men out there who want to “get rid of” their girlfriends because the relationship has just lost its zing. Now, this is not an article about throwing anyone away, but merely throwing a relationship away. Here are five tips on how to get rid of a girlfriend.

Bad Breath

If you want to encourage a girlfriend to keep her distance, your bad breath will drive her away. There aren’t many girls out there who want to be next to a guy with disgusting breath. When the girl starts clinging to your arm and she is making the moves towards whispering in your ear, just breathe heavily into her face, as close to her nostrils as possible. That should pretty much cause her to step back and assess the situation. Every time you are around her, make sure to have noxious odors emanating from your mouth, and that should pretty much drive her away. However, some girls can’t smell very well, so other methods will have to be used.

Break Dates

You can agree to take your girlfriend to dinner and a movie on the following Friday night. However, on Wednesday night, call her and cancel the date. Do not give any excuse; just say you can’t make it. When she asks about Saturday night, say, “I guess that might work.” Then the next night, call her and cancel again. Keep up this regime until she gets the hint that you aren’t going to go out with her any more. Most girlfriends pick up on this method pretty quickly and dump you. They will bad mouth you a lot, but at least you are free. Again, some girls just don’t get it, so onto the next tip.

Write a Letter

Some guys just can’t get the right words out of the mouth. The girlfriend starts to cry or he just might have a good time when they are together and so he hesitates. The moment is lost. Beverly Engel, a marriage and family therapist, recommends writing a letter if you just can’t say the write words in person. If you know you want to break up, and you know it is for the best, then simply write her a note and drop into the mailbox. The postman will do the rest. You might receive some nasty text messages or voice mails, but don’t answer them. You have let your feelings be known, and most girlfriends will hit the road and you will be rid of a girlfriend.

Have a Stranger Tell Her

If you feel uncomfortable trying to find the right words in writing or in person, there is another way. Pay someone else to tell the girlfriend it is over. According to an article by D. Izenberg, found in Maclean’s, a Florida based company lets you call up the company site and record a message. You can edit and erase as many times as you need to until your “good-bye, it’s over message sounds right.” After you have record the perfect message, you can choose when you want your personal message of good riddance delivered to her phone. If you live in Germany, there is a service you can hire a complete stranger to go to your girlfriend’s door and deliver your “I’m sorry, but it’s over” message in person. If these services are too expensive, you can always beg a friend to do your dirty work, but you will owe the friend big time. What if none of these four tips work? Well, that leaves number five.

Be Blunt

Some girlfriends just never get the hint or won’t believe it until they hear it from you personally, face to face. This is when you just have to tell her the truth. For example, “This relationship isn’t working out. I think we need to go our separate ways. You are lucky to be rid of such a lousy guy.”

Hopefully, one of these tips will work, and you will get rid of your girlfriend. Then you can go back to merely throwing away those old clothes and shoes.

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